Crafting personal values from a funeral speech

I attended a funeral recently...

The service was a celebration of a generous man’s life.

I listened as one by one family and friends, young and old, shared stories about the impact Bob had on their lives. How he helped to shape lives across generations.

It made me think of what I want others to say about me when I pass. 

Then, I remembered I was tasked with writing my own funeral speech many years ago during an exercise to determine core values. 

Not what I thought people would say right now, but things I wanted different types of people to say about me in the future.

At the time it helped me understand what was most important to me and how to use that to drive decisions in my life. 

Weirdly enough, thinking about it again now I see how different versions of those things I wrote have stuck with me for a decade since.

This week, I want to share the funeral speech process with you to help you establish (or revisit) your own personal values. Understanding them helps you see how they're shaping your leadership style and the culture in your business. 

Let’s dive in.

To kick off, you’ll need a note-taking app or piece of paper to jot some keywords down.

Got it?

Okay, so you died recently… And right now you’re a blowfly on the wall at your own funeral…(creepy but roll with it)

Write down keywords that you want people to say about you at your funeral.

Do it from 4 different perspectives:

1. A close friend
2. A family member
3. A work colleague
4. A community member. 

Remember: It’s what you want them to say, not what you think they would say.

I found it easier to use dot points and a few sentences about how I impacted their lives. You might like a combination of short sentences, keywords, or a full-blown speech (go you!).

The obvious outcome here is that you’re less likely to want to be remembered for the nice car you had (material things) and instead be remembered for your impeccable character and the positive impact you had on this particular person’s life.

Here are some keywords from my first attempt before I broke it down::

• Generous
• Ambitious
• Inspiring
• Charitable
• Warm
• Positive
• Determined
• Never give up attitude
• Motivated
• Driven
• Understanding
• Compassionate
• A leader
• Supportive
• Good-humoured
• Successful
• Thoughtful
• A great cook
• Loving
• Reliable
• Good listener
• A rock
• A mentor
• Selfless
• Curious

Once I got over the cringeworthy self-help feeling I first felt when I was presented with this challenge, I saw the obvious benefits. 

Spending 15-30 minutes now to understand what you stand for and what things are most important in your life, forms the base of your identity, relationships, goals, leadership style and business culture. 

It becomes your trademark for how people remember you.

The next step is to group common themes/words together to refine them down to 5-10 words that reflect the person you want to be remembered as. Any more and you're unlikely to remember them off the cuff.

When you're staring at these words written by others at your funeral. Start to question what behaviours you demonstrate now. Are they in line with your values? What could you do differently to make sure that they are? 

Don't stress if there's a gap between the person you are today and the person you want to become. It happened to me. The process identified a huge gap for me and provided an opportunity to find ways to work on closing it.

I highly recommend taking the time to do it once and then scheduling a reminder in your calendar to look at it as part of your yearly personal check-in.

I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

See you again next week.